I’ve been around the 12-step block for a while, and one thing I’ve heard more times than I can count is how an “attitude of gratitude” makes all the difference. If I feel grateful, then I’m focusing on the good, instead of what’s lacking in my life. An attitude of gratitude ensures that I stay away from self-pity, resentment and fault-finding.

The problem with that is that I’m a human being with a default setting of: “There’s something wrong with this picture and I need to fix it”. Lack of gratitude has taken a variety of forms in my life, from my addiction to various geographical cures (do you know anyone else who lived in 3 cities in 1 year?) to an underlying feeling of discontentment that followed me around the globe and well into my sober years.

But an interesting thing happened recently. After a complaining session with a dear friend of mine a couple of months ago, she invited me join her “gratitude group”, an email list shared with a few other women in which we each write 10-15 things we’re grateful for each day and send them to each other. Even though she told me it changed her life, I was skeptical it would actually work for me, being the confirmed pessimist I was. But I agreed, since I figured I had nothing to lose.

And so it began. Finding things each day that I was grateful for was a lot tougher at first than I thought it would be. It started with the little things: My husband and kids. My car. A fridge full of food. Being employed. The basic stuff. After a while, though, it got easier. I could be grateful for someone who annoyed me because, if nothing else, I wasn’t them. I could be grateful for my messy house because that meant my kids were healthy and happy and having fun. I could even be grateful for the Mt. Everest of laundry in my bedroom because that meant we had clothes to wear. After a couple of months, I realized my thinking had shifted. When something “bad” came up, I could somehow find something about it to be grateful for.

Then, something interesting happened. At first, I was only sending my list to my friend, but then I started replying to all of the women on her list, and added a few of my own friends as well. I started getting their lists back and seeing all of the incredible things that were happening in their lives, the little triumphs of finding the good and exciting in the everyday, muddling through the tough stuff and still having a good attitude: A woman in her last few, VERY uncomfortable few weeks of pregnancy toughing it out. Two other women getting through the end-of-semester, crunch-time workload. Two moms chasing 2 kids and trying to stay sane. A newlywed just getting used to married life. We all have our challenges, and yet all of us are supporting each other each day and reminding each other that there’s always something to smile about.

Last week, I realized something miraculous had happened. My brain had switched: any time something came up, I automatically tried to find something about it to be grateful for. I even started looking for things throughout the day that I could put on my list. That old, nagging, discontented feeling had faded and was replaced with a continuous buzz of contentment and — could it be? — peace.

I have no doubt that this is the direct result of the my gratitude list, and the women I share it with every day. If there is such a thing as magic, this is it.

Then Shuie told me an interesting story. He said that he once heard Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel, the rosh yeshiva (head of school) of the Mir Yeshiva, one of the largest and best-known yeshivas in Israel (where Shuie was once a student), give a talk. R’ Nosson suffers from Parkinson’s, and despite his pain, is constantly smiling and still teaches his beloved students to the best of his ability. The evening Shuie heard him speak, R’ Nosson told his students that to ensure the maintenance of faith, they should make a list, daily, of things in their life for which they are grateful. I was so excited when he told me the story, but I wasn’t surprised. I am living proof that what R’ Nosson says is true.

I think that’s definitely something to be grateful for.