In the Orthodox world, the standard response to “How are you?” or “How are things?” is “Baruch Hashem” (Blessed is the Name of Gd), which essentially means that no matter what the circumstances, one acknowledges that Gd is The Source and all that comes from him is essentially good. “Baruch Hashem” is also used when one hears good news or when things work out well (”I found my keys! Baruch Hashem!). I’ve been trying out the expression for a while but I’m still a little wobbly with it, kind of like a kid on a bike. It’s not that I don’t agree with the expression but, at the risk of sounding idiotic, it’s a REALLY Frum thing to say. Yes, I am a Frum woman, but comparatively, at three years in, I’m still new at the Orthodox game. There are still little things in this world that I look at and I just know I’m not there yet. The “Baruch Hashem” thing, however, has started to grow on me. Although I don’t use it every time someone asks me how I’m doing, I do drop it once in a while.

That said, today, when Shuie asked me how my first day with my new tutor went, I gave him a whole-hearted, “Baruch Hashem!”. It was absolutely amazing. Elana and I met at an adorable cafe in Nachlaot and immediately fell right in step with each other. She read me so clearly, she knew almost immediately that I should supplement my text study with Chassidus (inner spiritual teachings within the Torah). This means that I’ll get my mix of skill building and spiritual brain candy, which is exactly what I came here to do. Elana is absolutely the teacher I have been looking for; in fact, I stand convinced that one of the reasons I came to Israel was to learn with her. So, what else is there to say but, “Baruch Hashem!”?

My sister Shira is arriving in about four hours and my apartment has never been cleaner, not even when we first moved in. My lovely husband rearranged our guest room and set up a full-sized bed with new down bedding, courtesy of Chaim. I must admit, having a charming-looking guest space makes me feel like we’re actual grown ups. I’m also relishing the feeling of open space uncluttered by toys, dishes, pots and pans , etc. When everything looks like this it seems so easy to keep it this way, and it would be if I was single, childless, independently wealthy and had huge windows of free time. But alas, I am none of those things, so for right this second I will enjoy my lovely home until tomorrow, when my son will inevitably trash the place and my kitchen will clutter up by breakfast.

Now about Yonah. Maybe I haven’t been clear about it up until now, but I really like that kid. One of the things I admire most about him is how he walks: he takes a few wobbly steps, sometimes even making it across the room, and then falls. But he doesn’t cry when he falls, he doesn’t fuss, he doesn’t get down on himself or despair of every learning to walk. Not his style. Yonah just picks himself up and keeps on walking, fully confident that he’ll get it eventually. It’s an amazing thing to watch; it makes me think about how I rarely ever handle my falls as gracefully as he does. What if I was able to just dust myself off and move on whenever I stumbled? I’d save a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, that’s for sure. And I may even accomplish my goal a lot faster. I guess this is what they meant by parents learning from their children. But don’t tell Yonah I said so; last thing we need is this going to his head.

For those who are interested in Bean updates, the Dr. Rachmani was very happy with the results of my blood tests, except my iron levels, which he said were low. So on top of my prenatal vitamins he wants me to take an iron pill. We saw the baby on the screen again, dancing and partying away. We were disappointed because it was still too early to tell what the sex is but Dr. Rachmani says we’ll know for sure at our 21-week ultrasound. He also mentioned another test called the Triple Protein that he told us to think about taking. The Triple Protein test determines at 17 weeks if a baby has Down’s Syndrome or not. This particular time window still leaves time for parents to decide if they want to continue with the pregnancy if, Gd forbid, the results turn out positive. Dr. Rachmani said that many Orthodox couples opt not to take the test. This is because of the belief that everything comes from Gd; if He wants to send them a Down’s child, then parents trust that Gd will give them what they need to take care of it. While that belief speaks to me, when Shuie and I spoke about it later, I found my approach to be a little more practical. I know that if the test found that the baby was Down’s positive, Gd forbid, I could never go through with an abortion. In fact, having an abortion has actually been a nightmare of mine for many years, an experience which, thank Gd, I have never had to go through. I also know that if I go through the process of carrying this child to term and give birth to it, I don’t think I could find it in myself to give the baby away afterward. This is not to say that it’s not difficult to raise a child with special needs — I’m a SPED teacher, so I know a lot about it — but I know that this baby is ours, no matter what. Shuie and I agreed that there’s really no point for us to take the test since we would keep the baby regardless and we don’t need the stress of it on top of everything else. We’re moving forward with the prayer that, Gd willing, everything is moving along normally and the baby is healthy.

We’re back into hostess mode this Shabbat. Shira, Nechemia, Shloimie and our friend Chai will all be coming for dinner, so it is back to the kitchen for me. Thankfully, Rachel is having us for lunch so I only have one meal to worry about. Shira and I may or may not be heading to the shuk tomorrow for provisions, depending on both of our energy levels. If not, I’ll let Shuie do the dirty work since he goes to school right near the market. Right now I am going to crawl into bed until my sister gets here and then I’m going to hug her a lot and try not to cry. Too much.