I have a new mantra I am forcing myself to constantly repeat in my head: “Rain is Good”. I had to say it quite a few times today, a particularly cold and damp one. I mantra-ed when I was pushing a triple-layered Yonah up the street to Ruchama’s, again when I was sitting in gridlocked traffic — in Israel, rain has the same effect on drivers that, say, a full-scale blizzard would on Americans — and again later on as I was walking through the shuk, my sopping wet ski jacket, skirt and tights all sticking to me and my breath coming out in clouds of steam. As I’ve written before, water in Israel is on short supply, so it is actually a huge blessing that it’s been raining so much. Still, it is not fun shlepping through cold and wet and it makes it extra hard to go out to classes and meetings at night.

This morning I went over to Simchat Shlomo for my Tuesday morning classes with Leah Golomb, followed by another class with musician Shlomo Katz, who told amazing stories while playing his guitar. Today was a special day of learning in honor of Reb Shlomo’s yartzeit and it was absolutely amazing. The room was packed with people all singing together and honoring the spirit of a truly exceptional person. I was very, very touched and left practically floating. I want to learn there full-time, but it may take some extra work if I want to improve my text skills also. We’ll see where I’m supposed to end up.

After a quick slog through the rain with Yonah we settled into our WARM apartment for the afternoon. As I was changing out of my wet skirt and tights in the bedroom, I heard Yonah begin crying hysterically. I rushed out to find him sitting on the floor, holding out his finger. It wasn’t bleeding and from what I could tell there was nothing around him on which he could have pinched it, so I had no idea what happened. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bee slowly crawling away, clearly on its last legs, post-sting. I was absolutely terrified; what if Yonah was allergic? I have heard nightmare stories of kids who go into anaphylactic shock after bee stings and are gone within minutes. The time it would take to get from our apartment to the hospital would be too long; please, the time from our apartment UP THE STREET would be too long. Thankfully, that moment Chaim called and came right over to help. I was relieved to have him there, and even more relieved to see that after a few minutes of rocking and kisses Yonah seemed to be fine and was back to his happy self. I cannot tell you how scary those few minutes were, and how unbelievably grateful I am that everything turned out okay. In the meantime, I killed that bee with the kind of venom you see in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Again, the weather and my pregnant-ness have dissuaded me from going out to a class tonight and I am resolving not to beat myself up over it. This is technically winter in Israel, and winter is the time to hibernate, so I’m doing just that.

I had an interesting conversation with a Sephardi gentleman this afternoon (Sephardim are one group of Jews of middle-eastern or Mediterranean descent, while the other group, Ashkenazim, are usually of eastern-European descent. They differ in certain customs, but the basic laws of Judaism are the same for both groups). He told me that Israel was a difficult country to live in, not only because of the tough-as-nails attitudes of many of the people here, but also because there is tension between Ashkenazim and Sephardim. Certain schools, he told me, will not allow Sephardi students to attend, citing their “stupidity” and “dark skin”. I was absolutely horrified. It sounded like something out of a bad 50’s movie or South African Apartheid. Although I knew there were some problems between the two groups in the past (Yossi told me Carmela’s family didn’t want him to marry her because he was Ashkenaz and she was Sephardi), but hearing about something like that going on today made me immensely sad. It seems so antithetical to what being Jewish is all about: “Love your brother as yourself”. Rabbi Akiva, one of the most revered Rabbis in Jewish history, said that that one law was the essence of Judaism. How can someone say that they’re a “good Jew” while they’re spitting on their brother? Many rabbis teach that one of the reasons for the Jewish exile is “Sinas Chinam”, or baseless hatred between people, particularly between fellow Jews. When I hear about these kinds of issues, here and in the States (and in the States it’s even harder, Orthodox against Conservative against Reform against Reconstructionist and back again) all I can think of is how we are shooting ourselves in the foot. At the end of the day we are all Jews, we are all people and we need to love each other. And if we can’t quite muster up “love”, then at least we can give respect to a fellow human being.

I just want to share one unbelievable thing that I heard in my class today. Leah was talking about when someone has a desire to pray for something, like good health or sustenance or even something small, like catching the bus on time. In this particular case she was talking about Sarah, and how deeply she prayed for her son, Yitzchak (Isaac). The desire we have was given to us by Gd BECAUSE he wants us to pray; not only that, but He is praying also, whispering back to us our deepest desires. While Sarah was praying for a child, Gd whispered, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if Sarah could have a child”…Entering a convenant with Gd, Leah said, quoting Reb Shlomo, means that we are turning to him from the place within ourselves that is beyond our deepest desires, to our most inner essence. When we turn to Gd from that place, He turns back to us and reveals himself to us in that deepest place within ourselves. It made me think of the many clamors I have going on inside, voices telling me the things I want or the way I think things should be. When I can quiet those voices and just listen, once in a while I can hear Gd tell me what He wants for me. And, of course, it always turns out to be better than anything I ever imagined for myself.

Yesterday, my friend Elayne and I prayed together that Gd give me clarity that I’m on the right path and to show me if I should be doing something different. Once in a while, I catch myself in moments that I have dreamed before, not like deja vu, but more like something I know I’m meant to experience but just haven’t yet. In those moments I am reassured that I am moving in the right direction. Today, after I picked up Yonah, I opened the door to my apartment and had one of those moments. I had dreamed of this apartment, and dreamed of myself walking into it at some point. The memory just didn’t surface until today, exactly when I needed it. I felt like Gd was winking at me and saying, “I got your back, kid”.