So much has happened in just the past two weeks alone I feel like I’m in an entirely different life now, which I suppose is true in a way.

A couple of weeks ago, I started thinking about the possibility of returning to work after L.B. is born and I realized that the prospect of going back to school makes me want to rip my nails out one by one. To be completely honest, I fell into teaching because I didn’t know what else to do with myself. This isn’t to say that teaching isn’t sometimes rewarding, but to maintain your energy for a long period of time, you have to have passion for it, which decidedly, I don’t. Plus, now that I’m a mother, I just know that I don’t want to expend all of my resources on other people’s children and come home with nothing left to give my own.

So, I sat down and did some thinking. What is it, really, that I want to do? This isn’t the first time I’ve asked myself this question, but this time I tossed out all of the limitations I’d placed on myself. Forget about money. Forget about time. Forget, even about what you think you are capable of, because you’re probably capable of much more. The answer seemed to sneak up on me, but once I discovered it, it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world: I want to be a midwife.

My faithful readers know that I have written much about natural birth versus “medical” birth and that I have a strong interest in natural living in general. I’ve had midwives come in and out of my life from a very young age, and while I was inspired by the work they did, I never considered myself the “medical” type, so I ruled it out as a possible career choice. When I was doing birth research during my pregnancy with Yonah, I felt the desire to follow that path growing, but again, I didn’t take it seriously. I just thought I could never handle something like that. Don’t ask me why.

Then my mother got sick. I was by her side during most of her illness, and the last six weeks of her life I was blessed to be able to live with her. I worked in tandem with my father, siblings and the VNA nurses to care for her, administering medication, managing the house and just keeping things going. I suddenly turned around and realized that not only was I not intimidated by the whole thing, but I was actually doing a good job. So, when the old desire to become a midwife came back during this pregnancy, instead of dismissing it, I started to think, “Maybe…”

So I started to do some research into different programs around the country, just to see what my options are. I also got in touch with some midwives here on the Cape, one of which was gracious enough to come and meet with me to talk about my own upcoming birth and gave me all kinds of material on midwifery. Turns out, there are a few different types of midwives: Certified Nurse-Midwives (CNMs), Certified Professional Midwives (CPMs), Certified Midwives (CMs), Direct-Entry Midwives (DEM) and Lay Midwives (LMs). CNMs are trained as nurses as well as midwives and are licensed to work in hospitals and birth centers. CPMs are usually trained through an apprenticeship, a rigorous learning program and are certified through NARM (The North American Registry of Midwives). They will typically deliver babies in birthing centers and facilitate homebirths. CMs, DEMs and LMs are usually trained the same way, but some go through a formal learning program and some are even self-taught. The tricky part about being a CNM versus the rest is that if you hold a Nursing License, you risk losing it in some states if you assist in a homebirth. Plus, some if not most of the training may be in the “medical model” as opposed to a more holistic approach. However, having a background in nursing, you have other opportunities to find steady work that other types of midwives may not (more and more hospitals and OB/GYNs are hiring CNMs for their staff; not that there isn’t some tension there, but it’s still a step in the right direction). Plus, you can always apprentice on your own time to learn alternative methods. So I’ve decided to go the CNM route, and have applied to the University of Pennsylvania’s accelerated BSN/MSN program in Nurse-Midwifery. I should hear back within a number of weeks.

In the meantime, I have signed up for training to become a Doula, or birth coach, in a weekend seminar coming up in March. It’s a great way to get to see some births and also get initiated into the “life”. I’ll be heading up to Beverly, MA where they have one of the only two birth centers in the entire state of Massachusetts. Since I’ll be keeping Shabbos, I’ve already spoken to the directing midwife about the possibility of sleeping at the Birth Center so I won’t have to drive. I told her I could pretend to be in labor so I could use the bed. We’ll see how it all works out…

As I mentioned, in the process of gleaning all of this juicy information, I met with a couple of midwives here on the Cape who have been amazing, Becca Taylor and Amanda Haddad. They have been so open to answering my million and one questions and even took me with them to a meeting of the Boston region of the Massachusetts Midwives’ Alliance in Cambridge this past Tuesday. The meeting was really interesting because it opened my eyes to the legal struggles that midwives have to go through in order to practice. Currently, while it is legal to practice midwifery in most states, there is no official licensing board or government backup (could it have anything to do with the medical establishment or insurance companies with lots of “green” leverage, perhaps?). As such, midwives can be held liable for “practicing medicine without a license” and many women do not have access to the kind of birth they may want because insurance won’t cover it. So, the MMA wrote a bill that is currently sitting in the State House proposing the creation of a State Board of Midwifery, which would offer licensing to midwives along with official governmental support. It could also possibly result in Medicaid reimbursement for homebirths. Needless to say, there is some opposition but there are representatives in the State House who are currently negotiating with them. While I won’t go into details here so I don’t compromise anyone, let’s just say these women are mobilizing forces in a push to get this bill passed, without having to practice under the supervision of OBs. It is amazing to me how people can be so passionate about the work they do that they are willing to go to such lengths to make it happen. To be a midwife, you really have to fight to do what you love.

The possibility of going to UPENN opened up another discussion in my family as well. Although we have been planning on moving to Sharon, MA after L.B. comes into the world, it’s still a pretty far shlep from Shuie’s kids, about 3.5 hours. While it’s an improvement from the drive from the Cape (on a good day it’s 4.5 hours), it’s still a long haul to do every week. Philadelphia, however, is only an hour and a half from the kids, my Dad and my in-laws. There was a time when I was married to the idea of staying in Massachusetts but things have shifted a bit for me since coming home. My siblings all have their own lives and my family seems to be moving in another direction. So, we have started doing research into a couple of different Jewish communities in the Philly area. Two in particular are pretty enticing: Bala Cynwyd (pronounced “Ba-luh Kin-Wood”, on the outskirts of Philly) and Cherry Hill, NJ, about a 15 minute drive out of the city. Both seem like lovely places so we’ll be heading down to visit the week after next to spend a Shabbos and visit my cousins Sam and Jodi. If we like it, we may end up down there anyway, whether or not I get into Penn.

Oh, and the best news yet. My new midwife friends Becca and Amanda will not only be acting as mentors for me, but they are also going to assist me in a homebirth! Hooray! Some wishes do come true (though I may not be so happy about it when I’m in labor :). Becca came by for a checkup today and said everything is looking and sounding great. We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat and listen to the whoosh-whoosh of the placenta and umbilical cord.

It is very cool thing to be going through the process of pregnancy with a midwife while beginning the process of becoming one myself. I am definitely obsessed; it’s basically all I talk about. My poor husband finally told me at 11 p.m. the other night that his brain was done and he couldn’t hear anymore about pitocin or contractions or shoulder dystocia (that’s when the shoulder gets stuck in the pelvic bones after the head has already come out). However, tonight when he was on the phone with his mother he gave a wonderful illustration of some of the reasons that mothers hemorrhage after giving birth to the placenta. “I’ve watched the documentaries with Rea,” he told her. “It’s definitely rubbed off on me”. Good boy…