I’ve just arrived home to find my landlord and his son tinkering around my apartment. Between issues with the fuses, mold in our bathroom and prepping the place to be seen by prospective renters, we have had a lot of activity in our place of late. I’m trying to be gracious and patient because they’re being more than understanding with us. Not only are Yossi and Carmela not penalizing us for breaking our lease — “The most important thing is your health,” they said — but they are planning on returning our last month’s rent to us as soon as they get someone new in here. I honestly don’t know if such kind landlords exist outside of this country.

Last night I prayed to Gd for clarity about our decision. I want so much to do the “right” thing all the time, though there are so many circumstances in which I can’t really know what “right” is until much later down the road, if there is even a “right” at all. As I went to sleep last night, I meditated on the prospect of both staying and going. While the idea of staying has its perks (being surrounded by a rich, Jewish world, more opportunities to learn and grow) when I thought of coming home I felt a sense of Shalva (peace) inside that indicated to me clearly that this was the choice I need to be making now. Then this morning, I was reading from a meditation book and came across this passage: “I realize that God’s will for me is not to make the “right” choice, but to feel free to make mistakes; to be sane”. I felt it was a message directly for me. Life is fluid, as my mother-in-law says, constantly moving and changing form. Our job is to flow with it as best we can in each moment with the resources we have at our disposal. I am quietly building up my trust in the current of life and my ability to follow it. For today, it is taking me in the direction of home.

If you happen to be wandering around Jerusalem at night and find yourself wondering where all the couples who are expecting babies are, you’ll probably find them all at Misgav Ladach hospital in Katamon, waiting to get ultrasounds. Shuie and I headed there last night around 8:30 and the place was hopping. We had an hour wait before we were able to get into our ultrasound appointment, and the whole show lasted no longer than 10 minutes. However, the wait was definitely worth it. We got to see the baby’s kidneys, spine, femur, hands and even the face in a 3D picture. Thank Gd, everything looks good. Apparently my hormonal trapeze swinging has not had any affect at all :). Afterward, Shuie and I stopped over at Ben Yehuda so he could have an overstuffed Shwarma sandwich and I could have a bottle of water to celebrate. L’Chaim!

I received an email from my sister, who has arrived safely in London despite the snowstorm, Thank Gd. She and her boyfriend Leo will be traversing the European continent for the next three weeks, visiting all the major hotspots, including London, Amsterdam, Munich, Rome, Prague, Paris, and many more that I can’t remember. For a split second I was jealous, remembering the fun I had on my adventures almost a decade ago (!) when I lived in Holland and traveled all over Europe. I quickly gave myself a mental kick, remembering that I have, in fact, spent the last four months residing in an exotic foreign country. Besides, the kind of running around she’s doing, while exciting, would be pretty much impossible with Yonah in tow. Not that he wouldn’t dig seeing the Mona Lisa, but I remember that after only two days of shlepping him around Tzfat I felt like I was under general anesthesia. It’s not always easy to accept that you’ve passed a certain phase of life and that your choices are a lot more complicated. Sometimes I wish it was just as simple as picking up and going. True, we did something to that extent by coming here, but the practical, day-to-day experience of living that choice was not a simple one. There was still childcare and expenses to think about, not to mention all the other grown-up stuff that I sometimes wish didn’t exist. But this is life, I guess, and while it does get more complicated as time goes on, it also becomes much richer.