As our last Shabbat in the holy land comes to a close, an unexpected melancholy has settled on me. While I’m no longer struggling with the decision to leave, the closing of another chapter of my life is a sad thing. I have had some challenges here, but there were also some wonderful experiences packed into these past four months. I’ve met some really special people and learned many things I never knew. Most importantly, I learned that I am able to grow on my own. The more subtle spiritual and emotional growth that I know occurred–I haven’t been through all this for nothing–will probably take some time to manifest, or at least for me to recognize it. Coming back to the States will be a huge opportunity to show me what has actually happened during my time in Israel; I’ll be returning to my old life but as a much different person. How will my eyes see the world now?

We will be arriving home smack in the middle of the holiday season, which I’m hoping will be relatively calm and not too cold. I’m looking forward to coming back to the Cape house, seeing the trees through the wall of windows in the living room, the stars in the impossibly clear sky, the sound of the ocean on the crisp, clean wind. The silence. I wonder if being back in the house where my mother died will be a comfort to me. Shuie, Gd willing, will be working at the Chabad House in Hyannis while he finishes up his smicha program, which will enable us both to get involved with the Jewish community out there. I’m very excited about the opportunity and bursting with ideas. First is a kosher, organic cooking class…

Life really does go on, doesn’t it? We have our adventures, our chapters within chapters, and as much as we can feel a particular stage will stretch on forever, it does eventually pass. All things truly do come to an end. But with every end there is also a beginning, bringing with it infinite possibilities. With every new moment, anything, truly anything, is possible.

I’ve entered week 23 of the pregnancy and LB is groovin’; lots of movement, lots of kicks, thank Gd. Babycenter.com says that the baby is now 11 inches and weighs over a pound (they compare it to a large mango). The site also says that the baby can hear everything, so I guess LB gets to listen in on the million and one books I read to Yonah every day, as well as all the music I play for him. Our new favorite album is called “C’mon”, a very mellow kids record by a duo called Renee and Jeremy. The music is upbeat but very sweet and chilled out. If you’re on the market for kids stuff, I highly recommend it. My favorite of their lyrics, “Is there really any wonder how a baby comes alive/add a little love and they go…”.

I read a book over the past couple of days called “Siblings without Rivalry” by Elaine Mazlish and Adele Faber, two parenting gurus who have written a bunch of bestsellers. Even though I know Yonah is still little, I know it’s going to be an adjustment for him when LB arrives, so I want to educate myself as much as I can about raising happy siblings who feel they get what they need from their parents. One thing that particularly struck me was the idea of making sure kids know that they are not loved the “same”, but that they are loved “uniquely”. Every child is different and it’s not realistic to expect to love them all in the same way. Instead, my job as a parent is to recognize the special qualities about each child and celebrate them openly. My mother was great at that. In fact, when we were young she took all four of us to a child psychologist who met with each of us one-on-one. In our meetings he asked us who we thought the favorite child was. All of us said, “Me”. That was the gift she had as a parent; she recognized what was special about each of us, never compared us and encouraged us to celebrate our differences. I suppose that’s why we’re so accepting of each other now, and why that sense of competition doesn’t exist between us. I pray, pray, pray that I will be able to provide that same sense of love and security for my children. It is so not easy; raising kids demands every shred of your inner resources. But I assume that if I’m being blessed with children that Gd thinks I’m up to the job.