Mazel Tov, Mazel Tov! I’m an auntie again!My beautiful sister-in-law Riki gave birth to a beautiful 7.5 lb baby girl Friday morning in L.A. Thank Gd mother and baby are both doing fine. From all the way across the ocean, I am sending love and blessings to this new little bearer of holy woman power, her amazing parents, and her new big brother, Elchonon. Welcome to the World, Baby!

For those of you who have been Reezie-less for the past two days, not to worry. The site was being a little moody and then I got swept up in a maelstrom of cooking for the last days of Sukkot (we had guests, of course). Shabbat has just ended here, and with it the last Yom Tov of the holiday. Tomorrow is what is known as “Isru Chag” (sort of like a “bonus day”, post-fest), and then back to business as usual. As nice as the high holiday season has been, I am not sorry to see it go. All the entertaining aside, it tends to be a very loaded time both spiritually and emotionally. I am ready to pull up my sleeves and start school shopping come Monday.

My women’s kumzitz has come and gone, and I think for a first foray it was a definite success. There was a turnout of about 10-12 people, some friends from my school, some from Tovi’s school and some of my girlfriends from around town. It certainly wasn’t the wild party Shuie threw for the menfolk (for which we received the stamp of a truly good party: a noise complaint from the landlords), but we had our singing, our inspiration and the enjoyment of each other’s company.

After the party I was able to enjoy some down time with my friends Ariella and Chava (who is also a new bride) about the lessons we’ve learned from marriage, and what it means to be a wife and mother. I talked about how important it is for me to have things going on outside of my house, how I need to cultivate relationships and abilities beyond just childcare and housekeeping (like writing, for example) or I’m left feeling frustrated and unfulfilled. It was an interesting jumping off point for discussion since Jewish tradition maintains that a woman’s highest purpose is to raise children and to build a loving Jewish home. Ariella cited this, saying that the things she does outside of her house are supplements to her true calling: being a wife and mother. I agreed with her, but when I thought about it later, I realized that I felt there was more to it than that, for me. It is true that by pursuing other interests I become a more fulfilled person and in turn, a better wife and mother, but I don’t feel that that role is my be-all and end-all. Of course my husband and son are the most important people in my life and I place the utmost value on my roles as wife and mother, but it would be dishonest of me to say that I don’t also value the other roles I play in life in and of themselves: individual, friend, teacher, artist, student, sister, daughter, Jew, etc. I don’t consider their value only in relationship to the Wife/Mother component. When I look back on my life, the accomplishments of which I hope to take pride are having raised good, menschdik (decent) children who are connected to Judaism and Gd, having sustained and happy, loving marriage, and also having developed myself into a person of whom I can be proud. I guess I’m really starting to get that first dose of the struggle every mother has, wanting to be there for her children and also to be there for herself.

As Sukkot draws to a close, I feel I can take away one lesson in particular from this holiday, and that is about faith. As I wrote previously, the idea behind building a Sukkah and living in it is that by living outside, amongst the elements, we declare our total reliance on Gd. But why should my dwelling in particular say anything about faith? I thought a bit about what my home represents to me: aside from material comfort and a place to keep my stuff, my home provides me with a sense of physical and emotional security because I have a place to come home to. My identity also hinges on my home; what kind of person I am based on the neighborhood I’m living in, the role I play in my home (that wife/mother thing again), and what my daily life and routine looks like (cooking, cleaning, etc). By stepping out of that comfort zone, I have to reevaluate EVERYTHING about my life and who I am. Everything physical that I place my security in and seek my identity from — my family, money, my home, my appearance, my talents, everything — they are all really just obstacles between me and Gd. They’re just incidentals. I realized that my avodah (work) for this year is to let go of the physical crutches that block me from total faith in Gd. Some of them have been removed already; my mother, for one, was a huge sense of security for me and now I don’t have her anymore. My family is also far away right now. My job and daily routine by which I define myself (and on which I depend on steady income) have changed. The security of living someplace where I’m comfortable and known is suspended now that I’m in Israel. I am a virtual stranger in a truly temporary world. The experience of Sukkot has never been more real for me than it is now, and I hope, with Gd’s help, that it will give me the strength to really dive into building my emunah (faith) and connection with Gd. Maybe with an increase of faith, I’ll stumble into a little more joy, too.